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Fear (Attitudes)
"As I see it, the emotional substance of the Sime Series is examination of the fear/compassion axis of emotion that can exist between symbiots. The Sime mutation brings evolutionary pressure to bear on otherwise ordinary human beings to develop compassion or die. It is stunning how difficult it is to find true compassion untinged by fear in a human. But when you do find it, it is more precious than life itself." (Source: Index card file -- Letter written by Jacqueline Lichtenberg -- December 26, 1977) (Source: Index card file. UNTO ZEOR, FOREVER -- Third Draft) Difference between a fear of death and a will to live. Digen doesn't fear the idea of death (he's scared of the actual dying, though), he has a will to live. Most out-Territory Gens have a fear of death, not a will to live. Digen says this isn't true with in-Territory Gens. A Sime's will to live was all that stood between him and death, and nobody knew that better than a channel. Gens stayed alive because they feared death. When that fear was gone, they simply died at the first opportunity. But Simes loved life too much to let anything take it away -- and when that love turned ashen, any little thing could take life away. "The Kill is the rock bottom foundation of the Sime love of life. Without that, there is nothing to live for." The Tecton put people out of touch with their own souls, a living death. All humans are afraid to know themselves as they really are, Sime and Gen alike. Digen finds that all his thoughts and feelings were meant to hide his basest fear: If he should ever truly Kill a Gen, he would relish the terror and pain. (Source: Index card file. HOUSE OF ZEOR -- SIME FEAR) (1) Gen fear "triggers the worst Sime instincts. (2) Entran functions: Hugh figures Klyd is afraid of him because of the anger he generated during "faking it." which could put him in the hospital. (3) Before the shunt, Klyd says, "I fear your fear -- and the only way for me to control your fear is to surrender the situation to you... completely." (4) Juncts fear the Companions. (5) Our elite corps and our secret weapon (when Hugh wishes to rejoin his outfit.) (6) In the cave, Klyd has a "weakness," he reacts too much to Hugh. "But you are the only Gen within miles. And we have established ... a closeness. I have no defenses against you." This is also a demonstration of a Gen's POWER. (Source: Index card file. UNTO ZEOR, FOREVER) Gen fear is the trigger that sets off a Sime's attack reflex. Digen feels Joel's panic at station "a screaming pain" --- "delicious promise" to berserker. Joel Hogan has a defensive courage used to suppress fear, not banish it -- can offer a Donor's empathy despite the fear. This is what gets Gens like Joel Killed. Inez's "calm, steady, confident" emotions soothe Digen deeply. See JUNCT on Sime fear leading to junctness. World opinion against Digen -- more scared now than ever about introducting surgical techniques in-Territory. Rigidly extended tentacles is a fright/terror reaction in a Sime. (Source: Index card file. HOUSE OF ZEOR -- Hugh/Gen) (1) at first, Hugh is frightened of FAILING his mission, losing Aisha, knowing his whole life had been leading up to this. Klyd says he "fears prodigiously," but stands firm in spite of it. Hugh is frightened of having Klyd touch him, but believes in the power of the Starred Cross; can even summon up a "strange confidence" in Klyd. Then, terrified by the feeling of the draw and momentarily wrests control from Klyd. Hugh's first sight of sime tentacles up close "sent his skin crawling." He also found them "hypnotically fascinating." Later calls Klyd a "snake." (2) Gen girl who "offers herself" to Hrel is very calm about the whole thing. (3) Hugh is then afraid (shaky) at thought of donating, especially to Klyd -- helped by the idea that disjunction being so terrible is so hard on Simes -- but WANTS to donate, and wants to know Zeor and Klyd. (4) Heart pounds at Grandfather's grabbing his hand --- Klyd's touch at any time. (5) Hugh refers to puberty (changeover time) as the time of "every child's greatest fear." (6) Hugh shows no fear of Evahnee or poor Feleho, who falls into his arms -- in fact feels warm at being called Naztehr. (7) Reference to channel withstanding the onslought of "normal Gen fears." (8) Heshri's Gen (Norbom): drugged, dopey, staring eyes, suppressed intelligence, moves docilily to the bed (Klyd has his hand) -- when Klyd makes contact, boy stiffens with terror. Klyd's soothing approach gets through the drugged haze. (9) Even the most defiant "Wild Gens" are terrified of the Kill, making a Choice Kill. (10) Vrian and Grenel Neormein fight Nashmar, but whether from fear or defiance is not known. (11) Hugh takes the contact of the entran outfunction without fear -- compassion for Klyd's pain, the need of doing it for Zeor. (12) First night in cave, fears Klyd's touch again when Klyd tries to help him fight the cold -- is relaxed by Klyd's soothing voice, accepts being put to sleep. (13) Children in-Territory feared changeover -- hunted, despised, hated, beaten to death by friends and relatives. Parents' love warped by fear child would change over and attack while they slept. Sime (in-Territory) kids fear becoming a Choice Kill. Hugh's mother had loved him, shown him the way in-Territory and rehearsed what to do if he found himself in changeover -- didn't really care which way he went. Accepted as a person, not a body (same feeling in Zeor). Felt he would have a place in adult world whichever way he went. Fear attitudes may have come in school, as Hugh was orphaned fairly young. (14) Hugh doesn't feel much fear at shunt -- Klyd told him the Gen controls the situation by showing Hugh how to hurt/kill him, putting responsibility on HUGH to hold steady. (15) In Shrine of the Starred-Cross: Klyd tries to convince Hugh he would never Kill him, though he might have hurt him -- "You've got to make it such a part of yourself that you can't possibly fear me." Problem seems to be the sensation of rapid draw. "If you could nerve yourself not to react to it -- not to fight or retreat from that feeling -- then you would be safe, and the sensation would NOT be unpleasant." Klyd says "wanting" is what's important. (Selyur nager) (16) Out-Territory Gens are taught that simes are devils with superhuman powers. Raiders play on these fears: "there is nothing more terrifying to a Gen as the attack of the Sime in hard Need." (17) Just as being captured, Hugh brings himself to TRY to serve, but when he knows Klyd really won't do it, can conjure up a "genuine concern for Klyd's feelings." (18) "Thrino" is terrified -- absolutely frantic, flailing terror when sime attacks her in Raider camp. She was brougt up among simes. Hugh thinks she shouldn't be terrified. (19) Klyd says, "I've never known a Gen not to panic at the first experience of a lateral contact." Hugh decides that "there was something about Simes that was inherently terrifying." (20) Hugh, observing Klyd gone mad with Need, finds the "bone-chilling" horror is a primitive part of himself, a sort of primeval racial memory (doesn't seem a part of himself at all). This keeps rising up and chasing all rational thought from his mind. Yet, not rationalizations of need to save Klyd, the human race and the Tecton, but EMOTIONAL feeling that brings him back to safe attitude. Warmth of acceptance in Zeor, Feleho calling him Naztehr, praise and understanding of his Arensti design, joy at people accepting his accomplishments because he was associated with Zeor (excellence). Emotional feeling that Klyd should live to continue Zeor, even if he, Hugh, died. (21) Aisha overcomes her first reaction to attack Andle. (22) Hugh feels his decision is a willingness to give his life for Klyd's. Then it changes to something POSITIVE. He sees Klyd as his partner, pleading to help him avoid the last disgrace: The Kill. Hugh won't let Zeor be disgraced, so POSITIVELY reaches out to Klyd: something "deep within" him responded to that plea. The fear becomes irrelevant to Hugh --- everything he feared --- pain, terror, death --- no longer has any meaning in this situation, so he surmounts the fear. After this he will be able to face Klyd logically, rationally, knowing that he won't be hurt. A genuine deep commitment. Compassion without fear, for Klyd and for Zeor. No fear because he was not important.